We Need To Talk About Kevin

The rules that define a horror movie have long since moved past simply including a scary monster, spooky sound effects, and black cats jumping out from off-screen. Surprisingly, many of the better horror movies over the last few years have gotten far more subtle, creating a long, drawn out sense of dread that gives way to on-screen insanity, rather than cheap scare tactics, making most of them not even seem like what is normally considered a horror movie at all. On paper, Lynne Ramsay’s We Need To Talk About Kevin seems more like a hard drama, telling the story of a mother recollecting her struggle to raise her seemingly sociopathic son, all the while finding herself chastised and punished in the present day for something horrible he’d done. However, it is presented in such a way that creates a mystery about the nature of Kevin, and a sequence of events which aim to shock the audience as they wonder which one of these people is the real monster.

Chronologically beginning before Kevin has even been conceived, We Need To Talk About Kevin flashes back and forth from the past to present day as Eva (Tilda Swinton) thinks back on her life in an attempt to figure out how it all went so wrong. Her main source of frustration and blame comes in the form of her son, Kevin, who, even as an infant, seemed to do everything in his power to purposely make her life difficult, always putting on a happy façade whenever in the presence of anyone but his mother. While the beautiful, dream-like photography and scattered editing does a good job at setting up Eva’s almost always delirious mental state and providing clues about what exactly Kevin did, it also helps to keep the movie from feeling generic and makes some of the more questionable aspects of the story more dark and dreadful, as opposed to how silly they could’ve seemed in hindsight. It also helps give depth to Tilda Swinton’s nearly comatose present day persona, allowing us to visualize what’s running through her head as she wanders from location to location, finding comfort in the smallest victories and shock from the sudden outbursts of unexpected hate directed towards her.

It’s the narrative combination of this version of Eva, along with the harried mother persona that we see in the flashbacks, that provides one of We Need To Talk About Kevin’s greatest assets: the relationship between Eva and Kevin, and the question of parental responsibility in the outcome of a child. As the story is told from Eva’s perspective, there is no reason for us to believe that Kevin is anything but a bad seed, who naturally acts difficult and belligerent for no reason but to be a burden on his mother. However, as the movie proceeds, and we see how initially reluctant Eva was to have Kevin, and how this attitude towards parenthood, as well as an impatience and ignorance for her child’s needs, may have created the monster that Eva comes to fear. There are several moments during the childhood of Kevin where we see him delight in simply getting the attention of his mother, thriving in her discipline, which seems to scare her, creating a cycle in which Kevin does terrible things to get his mother’s attention, which only serves to drive her further away from him.

We Need To Talk About Kevin isn’t always an easy movie to sit through, and there definitely aren’t any happy endings, but it’s style is almost hypnotizing as the audience never knows where or when each lens flare or focal shift will take them, or what terrible thing Kevin will do next. Lynne Ramsay, along with co-writer Rory Kinnear, has created every expectant parent’s worst nightmare with Kevin, not only providing one of the worst child characters ever put to film, but also providing the idea that the primary blame on the behavior of such a creature will always fall squarely on the parents, following them around for the rest of their lives. Perhaps it’s this realistic take on the “bad kid” sub-genre of movies combined with the absorbing power struggle between Eva and Kevin that makes the movie feel as engaging and tense as it does, but whatever it is you get out of We Need To Talk About Kevin, it’s definitely not a movie you will forget about anytime soon.

8 out of 10.

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My Top Ten Movie Moments of 2011 (jat59072)

A successful movie, if nothing else, is greater than the sum of its parts. It stops being a few terrific performances, a good script and cool direction, and becomes a big, cohesive, singular entity. However, even though a movie isn’t perfect, or really doesn’t come together in the end, that doesn’t mean it can’t have some really fantastic moments. And while 2011 may not have been a great year for movies as a whole, there were definitely some pretty great moments.

Now, these might not be the best films I saw this year, but when I thought back on everything I saw at the movies, the things that made me laugh the hardest and think, “I liked that. That was good,” these are the first things that popped into my head.

So, here are my ten favorite movie moments of 2011.

#10. Bad Teacher – No Map

Look, Bad Teacher isn’t a great movie. But, if nothing else, it’s got some really funny performances, especially that of Jason Segal as the inhumanly sarcastic gym teacher who barely tries to win the heart of Cameron Diaz’s titular character. Nearly every line his character has is so simply written, but it’s his delivery that makes everything he says gold. His greatness is especially apparent when responding to the newly minted, “too-cute” couple of Justin Timberlake and Lucy Punch, fawning over each other while recollecting the events of their weekend, making his performance one of my favorite of the year.

#9. Insidious – Holy Shit, It’s Darth Maul!

There’s nothing that incredible about Insidious, a horror movie that’s basically about a haunted kid. You know, like a haunted house, with ghosts and stuff, but inside a kid instead of a house. But even though it wasn’t mind-blowing, genre-bending material, it’s still a pretty awesome horror movie with a ridiculous amount of surprises and scares. It’s this exceptional ability to surprise its audience, combined with a pretty mellow first half-hour, that made the first appearance of Insidious’ main villain all the more startling and shit-inducing, making it stand out as one of the movie’s better moments, and making Insidious one of the better horror movies of the year.

8. The Help – The Moment I Realized It Was About Shit

When posters and trailers started appearing for The Help, most people just assumed they knew exactly who the movie was made for: women, and more specifically, moms. However, somehow everyone outside of this demographic accidently found themselves walking into the wrong theater, and ended up loving The Help, including even the most jaded, male moviegoer like myself (although, my 82 year old grandmother turned it off after 45 minutes, so…there’s that). Now, it wasn’t the powerful story of civil rights and the struggle for human equality that broke down my impenetrable wall of cynicism, it was the fact that The Help, first and foremost, is about going to the bathroom, and, more specifically, going number two. And it’s a critical and commercial success that’s a shoe-in for several catagories this awards season. And it’s about shit. That’s cool.

#7. Paranormal Activity 3 – The Oscillating Camera

The found footage format has hit some kind of a boom in the last few years after taking a well-deserved break after the one-of-a-kind success of The Blair Witch Project. However, over the last three years now, the Paranormal Activity franchise has never failed to show up in theaters with a slightly altered version of the last movie, which always manages to feel brand new while also providing the series’ signature sense of dread, which is stretched out to almost unbearable lengths in almost every scene. However, with the first two installments doing all they could with static security cameras, the directors of Paranormal Activity 3 came up with the brilliant idea of having their protagonist attach his camera to an oscillating fan, so the audience can see what’s going in two rooms, but only if the timing is right. Not only does this provide a welcome change to the format of the movie, but ups the ante as far as tension is concerned, letting us know where and when the scares are going to happen, but never letting us know what until it’s too late.

#6. Crazy, Stupid Love – “I Think It Stands For Asshole”

Aside from it falling into some pretty cringe-worthy romantic comedy clichés in the lat act, the rest of Crazy, Stupid Love was one of the bigger surprises of the year, putting together an incredible cast with a clever script, and turning out a movie that pretty much anyone can enjoy. Of all the fun characters and plot twists, however, one of the best scenes comes from lovelorn pre-teen Robbie, who gives a pretty spot-on literary analysis of “The Scarlet Letter” after being spurned by his love interest, the baby sitter.

#5. Kung Fu Panda 2 – The True Nature of Po

No one was more surprised that I after witnessing Kung Fu Panda, a Dreamworks animated movie that contained none of the dated pop culture references or characters singing along to pop-songs that the studio is infamous for stuffing their movies full of. And count me just as surprised when they matched the quality of the first movie with this year’s Kung Fu Panda 2, continuing with the story of the Furious Five, and delving deeper into the mythology of Po, the titular kung-fu master of the series. As he begins to regain memories of his real parents, Po discovers that it doesn’t matter where he comes from that makes him who he is, but what’s inside that counts. Sure, it’s a pretty old lesson to learn, but there’s something in the way the filmmakers present it that can make any fan of the franchise well up.

#4. War Horse – The Wire Cutter Truce

Steven Spielberg’s War Horse is a very impressive movie, if for no other reason than its sprawling scope that follows one boy’s journey to find his horse as World War I rages on all across Europe. However, there come several moments during the movie where someone is crying or vowing to give their lives for this animal, and you can’t help but say to yourself, “Come on! It’s just a fucking horse!” Surprisingly, when one such moment comes at around the three-quarters mark of the movie, which finds a British and German soldier rising from their barracks to help said horse escape from a tangled mess of barbed wire in the middle of no man’s land, instead of coming off as saccharine or stupid, it feels like one of the most sincere moments of the film. Reminiscent of the true story of the Christmas Truce of 1914, seeing the two seemingly different soldiers working together and exchanging pleasantries, knowing that they will soon be trying to kill each other when the morning comes, says more about the human condition than the rest of War Horse manages to do with in the other 135 minutes of its run time.

#3. Rubber – The Opening Scene

So, you hear about a movie called Rubber. It’s apparently about a sentient tire with telekinetic abilities that goes on a murderous rampage throughout the American west. Of course, as with all movies, one must have expectations when preparing to see a movie such as this, and the filmmakers of Rubber knew this. So instead of simply giving the people what they want, they surround their knowingly ridiculous concept with a direct commentary on the events of the movie, and shed some light on their intentions with a bizarre and clever opening that will catch anyone with no prior knowledge of the movie off guard in the best way possible.

#2. Shame – “Touch Head”

For a movie about a sex addict’s life spiraling out of control, it’s funny to see a scene that is so funny, realistic and sweet thrown right in the middle of it. The fact that Michael Fassbender’s Brandon seems to honestly like Maryanne so much that he can’t even allow himself to kiss her, knowing that it would ruin the otherwise innocent evening, not only adds another side to a character that, up to this point in the movie, we’ve mainly seen moving between fits of anger and sex, but also makes us almost root for him to finally find a girl that can maybe help change his ways.

#1. Thor – “Another!”

I thought Thor was awesome, and, in a year full of superhero epics, the best of the bunch. I won’t get into why that’s how I feel here, but I will say that this clip, in which Chris Hemsworth’s Asgardian prince has a meal with his discoverers after crashing to Earth, is a prime example of what makes Thor work so well. Since there’s no point in ruining a joke by explaining it, I’ll simply say that having gone into Thor with no expectations, it was its sense of humor and the honest portrayals of its characters, especially its hilariously entitled titular character, that made it stand out from the pack, and made this my favorite movie moment of the year.

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DOUBLE REVIEW: Hugo/The Artist

With the announcement that several film production companies are phasing out a number of their product lines in the next few years, and the ever increasing obsession the world seems to have with the next big wave of technology, it would appear that the old wave of studio filmmaking is slowly falling into obscurity. As studios continue releasing their movies using the latest advances in digital projection and 3-D, people sometimes forget that movies weren’t always expected to have color and sound, and were often played in enormous, single-screen halls with nothing but the accompaniment of an orchestra, or, at the very least, a single piano. It’s no surprise that with this ignorance of the past, two filmmakers saw it fit to release two seemingly different, but thematically similar films which both not only highlight filmmaking methods of the past, but also give us a look at how the magic of movies as we know it has never really changed. These two movies are silent film tribute The Artist, and the magnificently magical Hugo.

As he struggles to find the secret of a mechanical man he helped rebuild with his father, all the while attempting to escape the clutches of the seemingly evil security guard at the train station he lives above, the titular character of Martin Scorsese’s Hugo may appear to be leading the life of any normal family film hero, filled with magic and wonder. However, after the big secret of the mechanical man is revealed, the movie becomes something far bigger and stranger than your average children’s fantasy movie. As it turns out, Hugo is a big-budgeted, special effects filled kid’s movie…about film restoration. Now, that’s not to downgrade what a fun, exciting, and sweet movie Hugo is, but it’s strange to see this kind of attempt at creating a broadly appealing movie with a story that is obviously very personal to its director…you just don’t really see that kind of studio support very often, especially when it comes to a subject so few seem to care about.

While this may be a mild spoiler, the main focus of Hugo turns out to be early 20^th century science fiction & fantasy film director Georges Melies, and his hand in creating some of the earliest and most influential films ever made. Seeing the fantastic and tragic history of Melies’ Star-Film Company, including recreations of their inventive sets and special effects is incredibly interesting, especially for anyone interested in this period of film. However, an epic exposition session that fills the audience in on all of this back story ends up making the second half of the movie feel more like a college course on film history, as opposed to anything resembling the fun and fantasy of the film’s first half. Hugo never gets bogged down enough in its necessary over-explanation of its coincidences and character connections to make it unlikeable or take away from its fantastical nature, as these glimpses into early filmmaking only support Melies’ claims of being a maker of dreams, but the whole thing seems so specifically geared towards the greatest of dreamers, it’ll make even the most upbeat and optimistic of audience members do a double take at its overly-sentimental nature.

However, if Scorsese went ahead and made his ode to the fantastical films of old, Michael Hazanavicius & Co. went one step past that, and straight up made a fantastical film of their own. Having the distinction of being a true throwback to the silent films of the late 1920s and early 1930s with its stark black and white picture and almost completely silent soundtrack (aside from a full orchestral score, naturally), The Artist goes beyond being just a tribute, and instead tells a clever and timeless story that never gets too cynical or gimmicky to distract from its style or message. Following the concurrent rise of up-and-comer Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo) and descent of stubborn silent film star George Valentin (Jean Dujardin), during the emergence of talkies, The Artist could’ve easily turned into something just as meaningless as any of the silent films it references and parodies. Instead, it defies this fate by exploring a somewhat darker side to the film industry, allowing its hero to fall victim to his own pride as he refuses to change in the face of progress, and watches him descend into alcoholism and depression as the wave of the new world washes over him. Although The Artist keeps you guessing whether or not it’ll be a comedy or a drama up until the last few scenes of the movie, this doesn’t keep its star’s earnest portrayals, along with some spot-on production and costume design, from making the movie effortlessly capture the look and feel that is perfect for this kind of homage.

Unfortunately, while The Artist manages to be an enjoyable temporary escape from reality, it never seems to itself escape the kind of light and breezy nature that caused its inspirations to be so easily forgotten. While George’s arc does carry a certain amount of weight, even coming close to the kind of dramatic twists and conclusions that are indicative of what has become more natural of modern storytelling, there’s very little that keeps The Artist from feeling just as cute and disposable as its predecessors. There’s really nothing wrong with this, considering the tone Hazanavicius achieves, but while everyone may like an enjoyable, amusing and ultimately uplifting movie, it’s not the kind of thing that really sticks with you for too long after you’ve left the theater.

While Hazanavicius and Scorsese really do nail the eras and artists they strive to portray, it seems that they’ve also inadvertently made arguments for why their idols and legends eventually faded into obscurity, and why we needed to be reminded of them to begin with. Hugo surrounds its old-school trickery with state of the art 3-D and computer generated cityscapes, showing its audience exactly what they’ve come to expect from a movie of this scope and pedigree, while The Artist reminds us why we tend to like our movies to strive for a little more dramatic heft and original technique with its cute, little story about the futility of attempting to outrun progress. These are by no means bad movies; in fact, they’re both excellent in their own ways. But in reminding us of how easily some things are forgotten and left to the past, neither really made much of an argument for their own importance, leaving them to feel like nothing more than expertly made and incredibly detailed history lessons.

Both Movies:

8 out of 10.

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WE BOUGHT A ZOO

Cameron Crowe seems to thrive on creating movies that border on the schmaltzy, but tend to strain the edge without ever going over, always staying on the right side of romantic, without ever getting too “romantic comedy”. Sure, there were a few missteps, most notably Elizabethtown, which found its underdeveloped and averagely acted leads falling for each other in the midst of a series of obstacles that only lead to their eventual reunion to be all the more unbelievable and silly. However, never before has Crowe gotten so disgustingly sappy as he has now with his latest movie, We Bought A Zoo.

Based on a true story, this aptly named movie tells its whole story in its title. After his wife’s death, Benjamin Mee (Matt Damon), along with his caricature of a bratty teenage son and angelic young daughter, purchase and attempt to renovate a failing zoo, full of dozens of exotic and dangerous animals. Along with the compound, the family also inherits a stable of one-dimensional misanthropes who help maintain the animals, including an overworked animal expert (Scarlett Johannsen), her socially retarded niece (Elle Fanning), an arrogant, alcoholic habitat designer (Angus MacFayden), and a slew of others. The problem isn’t that these characters aren’t relatable or interesting, but that they’re never really given a chance to grow or change, appearing early on in the film as exactly the same people who they continue to be for the whole movie. The only sense of growth comes from Benjamin’s half-hearted acceptance of his wife’s death at the end of the movie, and a begrudging truce called between him and his moody son, with neither arc providing enough to create any kind of satisfaction with the story or movie as a whole. Sure, they bought a zoo, and, through a series of wacky misadventures (including the always hilarious “trip to Home Depot” scenario several times; that’ll slay ‘em), they rebuilt a zoo, but, in the end, it all feels predictable and unearned, with the only actual hurdle being Thomas Haden Church’s negative attitude.

Aside from the lack of an interesting story or characters, one of the biggest letdowns and most divisive aspects here has got to be Sigur Rós frontman Jónsi’s original score for the movie, with the term “original” being used very loosely. While most of the score comes off as repetitive, and sounds an awful lot like it  came right off of Jónsi’s 2011 album “Go”, the biggest problem is it’s fantastical whistling and stereo, bell chiming makes every scene come off as wondrous and lively, when, more often than not, they’re, well…not. In what has to be one of the most ill-fitting, mismatching of score and film in the last few years, Crowe fills his movie with these flittery, light-hearted soundscapes, despite whether the characters are engaged in a motivational speech or simply feeding some goats, making everything feel like it’s supposed to be far more magical, even though it never is. What’s most heartbreaking, though, is when the music and movie actually do work together to eventually make the audience feel something, only for the feeling to last for just a few minutes before the credits start to roll.

We Bought A Zoo is not a good movie, but it’s even more disappointing considering that it comes from long-dormant filmmaker Crowe. Some people will be satisfied with the upbeat characters and story, but coming from someone we know can do romance (Jerry Maguire) and self-discovery (Almost Famous) so well, one can’t help but watch We Bought A Zoo and feel like it could be so much better. Hopefully, after taking a six year long break between movies, Crowe will come back a little faster after this disappointment with something a little more worthy of his talents. And maybe also something with a title that doesn’t sound so awkward when the characters in the movie say it in the movie (like they do here…three times).

4 out of 10.

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The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn!

Full disclosure: I, jat59072, am a huge fan of Tintin, and have been since I was seven years old. I have read all of the books, named my dog after Tintin’s terrier, Snowy, and have a French poster for The Blue Lotus hanging in my bedroom. Ever since I first laid my eyes on the incredibly detailed and entertaining adventures of the boy reporter and his canine companion, I’ve been hooked, and that’s why the news of Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson coming together to bring one of artist/author Hergé’s adventures to life (albeit, in motion capture form) brought mixed feelings. However, having now seen what, given the nature of the two filmmakers, could’ve potentially been a colossal explosion of good intentions, misguided ambition and overblown filmmaking, I can say with certainty that The Adventures of Tintin far surpasses any negative assumptions I may have had, and ended up being something pretty spectacular.

Combining several of Tintin’s adventures, The Secret of the Unicorn finds the titular hero on a search to discover the truth behind a trio of model ships which all potentially hold the location of secret pirate treasure. Along the way, Tintin escapes death, travels the globe, and meets a series of interesting and unique characters, including the alcohol and violence-prone Captain Haddock and the villainous Ivonovich Sakharine. Generally, motion capture comes off as clumsy, awkward, and often fails to translate anything from the human performance behind the CGI but the very basic motions and gestures. However, with the Adventures of Tintin, a practical balance between human and caricature, as well as incredible realism in the movements of the characters and their surroundings, make every frame a detailed work of art, supported by the actor’s often hilarious and individually impressive performances.

While the technological aspects of Tintin may be impressive, unfortunately, the story and pacing suffer enough to momentarily distract from the visuals. While the mystery behind the events of the movie is interesting enough, the progression of the story is too often stopped by characters putting the puzzle pieces together for the audience, explaining away what each clue means, and how it fits in with every other clue they’ve discovered up until that point. Perhaps this wouldn’t be so jarring if these epiphanies were worked into the dialogue or narrative a little smoother, as opposed to the characters simply monologueing to themselves every few minutes, but for all of the exciting action and fascinating adventure, it’s this unfortunate lack of confidence in its audience which brings Tintin one of its few flaws.

Due to Spielberg’s involvement as director, as well as its globetrotting action/adventure format, The Adventures of Tintin has been garnering comparisons to Spielberg’s classic Raiders of the Lost Ark. While there are some superficial similarities, Tintin isn’t nearly as strong of a personality as Indiana Jones, and the story here has far less action, with a greater focus on mystery, then any of his adventures. Aside from an incredible chase sequence at the mid-point of the movie, Tintin isn’t a showcase for spectacular action, instead opting for more of the adventurous spirit of the comics. And there’s nothing wrong with that. For fans of the comics and newcomers alike, The Adventures of Tintin won’t be a disappointment, with its endearing characters, involving story and incredible visuals. Unfortunately, for all its strong points, there’s something that keeps Tintin from being completely successful, although there’s no denying that despite its shortcoming, it is at least a masterfully created piece of pure entertainment.

8 out of 10.

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My Favorite Movies #8: The Muppet Movie/The Muppets

One of the greatest feelings in the world has got to be discovering in adulthood that something you loved in your youth is actually, legitimately good. It’s so easy for someone to be blinded by nostalgia, pleasant memories surrounding an old song or an amusement park ride, that to re-experience it after gaining a greater perspective of the world, and still finding it to be exactly how they remembered it, well…it’s a good feeling. Having grown up within the last fifty years, there’s a number of things that I, along with most people born during this time period, was exposed to as a child: Slinkees, the Beatles, and, of course, Jim Henson and his Muppets.

It’s hard to pinpoint, but there’s something about the Muppets that makes them more than just pieces of felt and cotton, but almost living creatures, all with their own distinct personalities and pulses. Of course, these characters have had enough time over the last forty years to develop, and become the favorite go-to gag pulling, vaudevillian revivalists to generations of adults and their children alike. From Fozzie’s earnestly terrible jokes, to Rowlf’s lightly soulful piano playing, anyone who’s seen a Muppet related production has their favorite, and most of the dozens of characters have become iconic in their own right. But the one thing that keeps the whole operation running, and the main reason that The Muppet Movie is one of my favorites, has got to be Kermit the Frog.

Sure, there are a ton of things to love about the original Muppet Movie: the clever script, the still impressive puppetry, and Paul Williams incredible soundtrack, topped off with the now classic “Rainbow Connection”. But without Kermit, who stands as the heart of the Muppet clan and the joining force that brings them all together, the words are just words. Aside from the sheer ridiculousness of seeing a frog play the banjo, Kermit brings an innocence and goodness to the song, as well as to the trek he makes from his home in the swamp all the way to Hollywood, with his only reason being that he just wants to make people happy. The sole motivation behind the entire story comes simply from one frog’s wish to bring a smile to the faces of as many people as he possibly can. And while Fozzie, Scooter, Gonzo, Miss Piggy and all the others definitely help him get there, it’s the spirit of the Kermit character that keeps them all from becoming some mutated versions of themselves, warped by the world into corporate salesman, or into another lost piece of pop-culture memorabilia, only to be seen in Robot Chicken skits and t-shirts at swap meets.

This iconic goodness that possesses Kermit, as well as the idea of the Muppets as a whole, undoubtedly comes from Jim Henson. While he found help from like-minded writers and puppeteers, as well as support from British and public television, Henson somehow took a dream of entertaining whoever was interested, and achieved it with nothing but cloth, personality and showmanship. To think that someone could take nothing, and turn it into a legacy that continues to this day, it seems almost unbelievable in a world where everything seems to be a remake, reboot or adaptation. With Henson’s death in 1990, however, it seems that fans have become reluctant to accept the slow output of newer Muppet-related projects that have been made without their creator’s input, an obstacle surely trying to be overcome with the latest attempt at reviving the franchise’s popularity in The Muppets.

Set in a universe not unlike our own, where The Muppet Show’s cultural impact has long been forgotten by most, The Muppets follows a die-hard fan and Muppet himself, Walter, as he follows his brother, Gary (co-writer Jason Segal), and his girlfriend, Mary (Amy Adams), on their anniversary vacation to Los Angeles, where the three of them inadvertently set off on a quest to reunite Kermit and his friends for one last show. It’s a movie steeped in nostalgia, which might seem desperate in any other movie attempting to re-popularize a dying property, but here seems almost necessary. While those with a fondness for the characters may find themselves buying tickets to see their latest incarnation, Segal and co-writer Nicholas Stoller remind them what it was about Kermit and his friends that they loved all those years ago. Seeing these characters coming back together, all because of a little, orange Muppet who seems to associate and embody all of this warm fuzziness because of his life-long fandom, the story not only points out this association, but uses it as a motivation for both its characters and audience to remember why they’re making/watching the movie in the first place.

Aside from the blatant use of the The Muppet Show, plus the use of such staples as “The Rainbow Connection”, and a knowing retelling of the first movie, The Muppets comes with its own set of new tricks that keep the movie from feeling too bogged down in the past. While the script keeps the trademark fourth-wall breaking humor unexpected and hilarious, it’s Bret MacKenzie’s songs that keep the movie moving along, and make for some of its more memorable sequences. This is especially apparent with the anthem, “Life’s A Happy Song”, which puts the spirit of the movie on full display, while also planting the themes of connection and belonging right at the very beginning of the story.

However, while there is much to like about The Muppets, it does hit a few of the same snares that plague many modern family films. While the dozen or so celebrity cameos will at least elicit a reaction from the audience, many of them have so little to do/aren’t very recognizable that their inclusion almost seems pointless, leaving the audience wishing that they either had more to do, or that they hadn’t shown up at all. Also leaning on the more irritating side of the spectrum, there are several moments throughout the film, most notably during a montage where the characters clean up the theater in sing-along style, where opportunities for original songs are passed over with the use of ill-fitting pop songs (in this instance, “We Built This City” by Starship).

Recently, several puppeteers and writers who have been involved with the Muppet brand for years have come out and denounced The Muppets, claiming that the script did not respect or represent the characters they had been keeping alive for so many years, but, having seen the finished product, they couldn’t be more wrong. Kermit, Piggy, and the rest are all just as honest, funny and recognizable as they ever were, and if there are any complaints to be made, they shouldn’t concern the filmmaker’s treatment of these characters. It’s obvious from the finished product that everyone involved here shares a great deal of respect and fondness for both the creations they are playing with, and the creator’s who are responsible for it. While The Muppets may not reach the level of the original show or movies, it comes very close, and does so with enough sincerity and respect to the original incarnations of these characters, that any flaws that are apparent are completely forgivable.

8 out of 10.

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BOOM from the Past – Gulliver’s Travels (12/18/10)

Exactly one year ago today, I experienced something.  It was something I’d never felt or gone through before.  And the feelings that this experience conjured in me are likely never to be recreated again.  It stands, and will stand, as a truly unique moment in my life.  Because you see, on the morning of December 18, 2010, I saw Gulliver’s Travels.

Yes.  THE Gulliver’s Travels. I had the pleasure of attending a free Saturday morning screening of the movie with two of my most fantastic friends (and writers for this here website).  Having stayed up late the night before with both jat59072 and Dancy, we agreed that we would wake up in the morning to see if we really felt like making the drive to Cherry Hill, NJ to see this film in a 3-D presentation at 10:30 AM.  Upon waking up, we made the decision to go.  A little groggy we were, yet giddiness quickly began to set in.  For this was a truly momentous day.  Not only was seeing Gulliver’s Travels in our plans, but afterwards we had a 12-hour movie marathon scheduled with the entire TWJ staff.  Luckily for jat, Dancy, and I, we started off the morning with this movie I now write about.

The short drive over the bridge went on without event.  Until we arrived at the theater.  We were a bit early and doors were not open yet.  So we sat in the car, groggy and giddy, staring out at the cold, parking lot morning… just waiting.  And then it happened.  Slowly it had been building in our ears.  Classic rock music.  Blaring from a car stereo that seemed to be driving in concentric circles around us.  Closer and closer it came until we saw it.  A middle aged man in what I remember was probably a Ford Focus, accompanied in his passenger seat by a skeleton donning a christmas hat and other human garb.  We were in awe of this man.  To our chagrin, though, he parked a few cars away and our vision was impeded by an SUV or minivan of some sort.  (What kind of people go to 10:30AM Saturday screenings in Cherry Hill, NJ to see this movie.  Other than little kids and TWJ…)  Well, apparently this skeleton-befriending man is someone who would embark upon this experience with us.  And then the classic rock ceased and was swiftly replaced by what sounded like a most clever riff on “the 12 days of xmas” but instead, was “lol i hate my job”-related humor.  Our day was only getting better.  Finally the doors to the theater opened and the music stopped.  We sat waiting for the mysterious skeleton-loving man to pass us, and after we got our look, we retreated not for the front door of the theater, but to this man’s car to take pictures on our celular devices of the skeleton in the front seat.  He loved Preston & Steve.

And into the theater we go.  It’s filled with kids accompanied by their parents.  The usual dunce-level trivia kicks in and jat doesn’t win as much as he should have.  He should have won some basketball shit, but some old lady stole his prize.  His cries of sorrow were quickly drowned out though, as the emcee hosting the trivia session pandered to the crowd, asking if all in attendance were ready for Jack Black’s antics.  Did she even realize how ready we were?

The movie starts.  And it’s immediately clear I’m a little bit completely sick of Jack Black’s antics.  Especially in this movie.  But alas, the show goes on.  And it’s as kid-orientedly stupid and boring and bad as the next one.  But this was for some reason, a special kind of bad.  Not the kind of bad that’s funny, or even the kind that’s just plain bad.  It began to morph into an inexplicable… thing. And on and on it went.  Though it was quite a short movie, it went on and on and on.

And then something happened.  Things suddenly got to the point of no return and nexi of universi and wormholes sprouted into entire rainbows.  The world caved in on itself and reappeared once again before our very eyes, both inside out and tied to a bedpost.  I cannot explain.  I saw past the universe and tron and Dune and all else.  I sat rooted in my seat, mouth agape, eyes bleeding, ears imploding.  I cannot speak specifically of what scene I am referring to, as my friends Josh and Dave have yet to marvel at this movie as I have.  And ruining such an experience for others would be most unwise.

The movie ended and I carried on my day (and the rest of my life) with knowledge that there are things out there that go beyond everything.  Nothing will ever be the same.

My life would be incomplete without wands.

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Things I Hate – Vol. 4

Volume 4 - WHEN SOMETIMES PEOPLE WATCH TV IN MOVIES OR A TV IS SHOWN FOR BARELY ANY REASON AT ALL

This happens more often than anyone on Earth will care to admit.  It happens like all the time practically.  Sometimes people watch TV in movies and it’s funny or it serves a purpose.  But sometimes people watch TV in movies, or a TV is shown to start a scene and it really serves no purpose.  Well, when that happens I don’t like it.  And there’s two reasons why I don’t like when it happens.  A.)  Because it’s usually some old movie that either the director likes (and is paying homage to in a stupid way) or it’s supposed to reference/comment on the theme.  And B.)  When it’s not Reason A, it’s usually some stupid thing that’s meant to be like hahahaha look at how strange this is!  I saw this on TV when I was a kid.  Or, I saw this on TV the other day and I just HAD to get it in my movie somehow.

I guess people can do whatever they want but I don’t like when this happens.  Thanks!

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Happy Feet TWO?!

The term “family film” is often used in a derogatory fashion, usually when referencing some new movie involving kids, animals, or a decidedly inoffensive element (alien, magical creature, etc.) that is singing, dancing, or both. Normally, these kinds of movies are dismissed by “serious” film buffs due to their lack of any complex characters or story, and a general cheeriness that tends to alienate those looking for dark, brooding characters and ultra-violence. So, in an effort to combine all of these elements, six years ago George Miller made a movie about America’s current obsession with penguins, in an all-singing, all-dancing animated/live-action tribute to pop music called Happy Feet. Now, just because a movie features cute animals voiced by famous people who sing all of today’s top hits, doesn’t mean it can’t be an offensively terrible piece of shit, and, somehow, that’s what Happy Feet was. It was a bafflingly jumbled music video with awkwardly blended in live action, and some of the most heavy-handed environmental and anti-religious overtones I’ve ever seen in any film, let alone a kid’s movie about dancing penguins. So, walking into the sequel to this awful excuse for family entertainment, one wouldn’t expect to be impressed, but, surprisingly, Happy Feet 2, while not exactly a great movie, is far, far better than its predecessor.

Picking up several years after the first movie, Happy Feet 2 follows the dancing phenomenon, Mumble, as he attempts to help his young son, Erik, gain some self confidence and find his true talent, all while their colony is trapped at the bottom of an ice canyon after a glacial shift. While the environmental message is just as much a part of the story here as it was in the original, it’s not nearly as forced, and leaves more of a meaningful impact than the originals’ “be nice to penguins” message. However, the best part of Happy Feet 2 (and what desperately screams for it’s own spin-off) is the inclusion of Will and Bill the krill, respectively voiced by Brad Pitt and Matt Damon. These two miniscule characters spend the movie epitomizing the “everyone, no matter how small, can make a difference” message, as two of the smallest creatures in the ocean, attempting to break away from their swarm, and discover their place in the universe. It’s this yearning for a more complete life, and a completely sincere motivation that makes these two so much more interesting and entertaining than the rest of the movies other stories and characters. Also, it doesn’t hurt that they’re basically gay, vegan shrimp who strive to “chew on something with a face”, and end up stealing the show.

Unfortunately, these things don’t save the movie from falling into the same awful, cringe-inducing habits of its predecessor. Almost every scene involving the colony is still filled with a bunch of annoyingly specific songs with their words changed to reflect the adorable protagonists of the movie, mashed together so as to pack as many “I know this!” moments into each minute. And for every action set piece that provides any kind of genuine tension or excitement, there’s another scene that provides nothing but free-styling penguins and fart jokes.

It’s a shame that despite being such a step up from the original, Happy Feet 2 isn’t more consistently good, and often falls prey to its own misguided sense of what it has to be to please its target audience. Will and Bill the krill alone are two of the most interesting, developed, and hilarious animated characters from a movie this year, yet their story is far overshadowed by a series of events that are far less engaging and far more annoying. While dancing, or as Will puts it, “a momentary release from (the) existential fear of life”, may keep these arctic creatures happy, it won’t do much for anyone in the audience over the age of ten.

5 out of 10.

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The Descendants

Alexander Payne is no stranger to grief. As with his titular character’s journey after the death of his wife in About Schmidt, all of his movies feature protagonists who face the possibility that their lives are not the lives they’d like to be living, often following them as they valiantly struggle against the current situation their decisions have pulled them towards. In his latest film, The Descendants, Payne continues to chronicle the pain of a man caught in an unfortunate situation, this time focusing on Matt King (George Clooney), a father who finds out about his wife’s infidelity just as she is about to be taken off of life support after a tragic boating accident. And while The Descendants is, aside from a few calculated moments of levity, as depressing as it sounds, unfortunately, it’s not nearly as meaningful or emotional as it desperately attempts to be.

Seemingly structured to squeeze every possible ounce of emotion from any given situation, The Descendants mainly follows Matt as he makes the rounds with his two daughters, telling all of the family’s friends and relatives about the oncoming death of his wife, while also seeking out the man she was going to leave him for. However, despite any sympathy or compassion we’re supposed to have for the family, there’s never a moment that feels genuine or earned throughout the whole movie. Every turn feels like it was designed to show us one more Oscar-worthy, grief stricken performance, instead of using the time to build characters or relationships to a point that would have anybody care about these people enough to get the desired reaction, but without having to resort to soap-opera twists and melodramatic tactics. And what characters we do get, aside from Matt and his daughter, Alexandra (Shailene Woodley), seem to all serve the sole purpose of just showing up at times to show their grief, share some information, or add a few laughs to an otherwise dour moment. Alexandra’s boyfriend, Sid (Nick Krause), for example, is the typical dumb, surfer archetype, often adding his trademark, politically incorrect and ill-informed opinions to various situations, except for the one moment where Matt need him to share a little insight, and drop some completely unpredictable perspective at the most convenient of times. Matt’s other daughter, ten-year-old Scottie (Amara Miller), also suffers from this lack of characterization, seeming only to exist here to follow her father and sister around, curse when it’s necessary to liven up a scene, and add cringe-worthy exclamations to the ends of exchanges, such as the always welcome, “You got served!”, after her father is put in his place by another character. Oh, and also so she could be saved for last in line in the order of people being told that her mother is dying, so as to pack the biggest emotional punch.

It’s this seemingly inauthentic attempt to push the most basic and blatant examples of extreme emotion at any given moment that hurts The Descendants the most. From an over-expositional and bland voiceover that plagues the beginning of the movie, keeping it from unfolding in any kind of interesting or challenging way, to its eager-to-please, easy characterizations, which pretty much lump everyone into one of three categories (grieving, too strong to grieve, or too dumb to grieve), The Descendants offers nothing special or distinctive from the usual awards-season tripe.

Aside from these complaints, however, The Descendants is not without its merits, as minor as they may be. It does have a pretty noble message about legacy and personal history, which stems from a side story involving the struggle between Matt and his family as they decide whether or not to sell a large plot of land that’s been in the family for several generations, as well as one of George Clooney’s more subdued, yet heartfelt performances. Unfortunately, this doesn’t save it from its numerous flaws and insincere emotional string pulling, leaving The Descendants nothing more than a poorly executed exercise in attempting to make an audience feel something, and failing.

5 out of 10.

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