MACHETE!
Posted by jat59072Others: Reviews
Honesty, I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to be doing here on this site. I don’t know how legitimate our opinions are, or how necessary having reviews of anything, really, is, when, in the end, people are going to see what they want, despite what the critics think.
We are not critics. We are fans. There is no reason to listen to us more than you would a neighbor, a co-worker, or any other anonymous person on a message board. So, when I wonder what the point of even writing a review here is, I guess I’m really wondering if anyone actually gives a shit what we say, and why we keep doing it. If, no matter what the review reads, people are going to do what they want, then why write the reviews at all?
Machete is not a movie that people wait and read the reviews for. Much like other movies that have been released this summer, most notably Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World and Kick Ass, either this appeals to you and you get the joke, or you don’t. Movies like Machete are tough to judge from just a synopsis or a trailer. Often, this kind of pseudo-parody, throwback to seventies “grindhouse” type exploitation movies can go one of two ways: either they try too hard and fall flat on their face (Death Proof), or they ride that thin line between “intentionally bad” and “entertaining as hell” long enough to make people feel like that ticket price was worth it (Black Dynamite). Fortunately, Machete has enough of the gore, hilarious action, and memorable performances and characters to make it fall into the latter category.
It’s a simple story (a little too simple, actually): Machete, an ex-Mexican federale, is hired to kill a racist senator up for re-election, but finds that he has been set up, forcing him to go on the run and find out who’s responsible for the double cross. So, basically Shooter with illegals. One of the main complaints I have about Machete would be this unimaginative basic plot, which is pretty predictable if you’ve ever seen almost any political thriller. Aside from this, there are also a few too many moments where the movie gets bogged down in political debates, international conspiracies, and monologues by characters explaining their motivations, but these are all bookended by enough of the silly shit you’d expect, that the good stuff stands out far more than the bad. And there’s a lot of good.
Look, like I said, there’s nothing here that needs to be reviewed, so I’m not going to really get into all of the crazy shit that happens that I liked. If you were going to see Machete, whatever some asshole on the internet says isn’t going to stop you. This is exactly what you think it’s going to be, and what that is really depends on the kind of person you are, I guess. If you’re looking for a good time, for a bloody, violent, one-liner filled, ridiculous movie, then Machete’s going to do it for you. If you think that all sounds stupid, then a) you’re not going to like Machete, and b) why the hell are you even wasting your time reading a review for it, let alone coming to this site at all?
8 out of 10.
(Also, I know no one with a working brain would, but don’t listen to this asshole who apparently hasn’t seen the movie, as he is dead wrong in the very first line of his review. It’s there, it’s awesome, and it’s pretty impossible to miss. I like contrarians as much as the next person, but this is ridiculous!)
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